Survivor Woman

Eleven days until takeoff and I am starting to feel a bit uneasy. I discovered a lot of information about my trip to both South Africa and Swaziland in the past couple days and the more I hear, the more excited I become. 

There is some mild irrational fear that I'll somehow end up lost in the middle of nowhere to survive off the winter African bush like Les Stroud, using only my wits and a shoelace. In that case, at least I know that the go-pro will come in handy.

Realistically, I am a bit afraid of becoming lonely. It seems a bit ridiculous to fear becoming lonely while I am still surrounded by people, but honestly I don't think I would be able to handle a low-stimulative environment so soon after the conclusion of this semester. I have become accustomed to a 19 s.h. work load, which included advanced nutrition, catalyzing the reaction of serial ugly crying over the last test (nutrition majors know where I'm coming from). The catabolic hormone levels were so real last week. Though over-saturation can be stressful, I still stand firmly in my belief that boredom is ten times worse than over-stimulation. I'll be taking my last exam on Thursday, May 7th at 5:30pm and am heading home to finish packing so that I'll be ready to head to the airport on Friday at 5:00am on Friday. It's a little tight, but I have determined that if a panic attack hasn't happened by now, my mind is made of iridium. Maybe I did have one and that was the ugly crying.

On a more serious note, I have been doing a lot of introspection concerning my faith and am beginning to recognize some serious flaws that I have developed by being constantly stressed all the time. When I am survival mode, I become very rigid, things that were once of low importance and up to interpretation became black and white to me as I analytically determined my next move in order to climb the overhang. I began to develop an undesirably negative, bossy, prideful version of myself that was distasteful to even my own liking. I took some time this week to soak up some of the positivity and affirmation of God's word and creation. I am realizing that the reason I was turning into an animal is not necessarily because I was stressed all the time, but because I was prioritizing my relationship with school over my relationship with Christ and I was disallowing Christ from carrying my burdens for me because I wanted to be "self-sufficient," meaning I wanted all the burden and all the glory and satisfaction of accomplishment rather than giving God the glory, the God that created my mind, body, and all the miraculous biochemical pathways that I have been studying. I have been holding myself to a standard that I humanly cannot obtain, a standard of perfectionism and professionalism rather than a standard of compassion, grace, and humility. And what's worse is that I have been pushing all my perfectionist expectations and critical mentality onto my close friends.

"Sawubona," meaning "I see you" is a Siswati greeting that truly is a message that I needed to hear today. I need to remind myself that being love is more important than having the appearance of intelligence or success. Forcing myself to remain wide-eyed with a centered heart and a gracious mindset allows me to see people for more significance than simply their relation to me. People, just like life, are so much more than external factors. Being a selfish giver is something that I struggle with, not necessarily because I am doing things for external credit, but for the somewhat narcissistic satisfaction of having been a good person. Serving others is an act of love that does not expect to see the fruits of its labor. Focusing on the hearts of others also allows me to be more like the person that I wish I was, a graceful woman that is patient, kind, content with the present, humble, respectful, selfless, peace-seeking, forgiving, affirmative, protective, trusting, hopeful, and able to endure almost anything in the name of love. Why do I want to be this person? Because that person is not just the best version of myself, but the person that I am called to be in Christ. That person has a true purpose in Christ, a purpose beyond transient personal satisfaction. Why am I traveling halfway across the world to learn something if I have no application other than to my personal satisfaction of development? If fulfilling a purpose brings satisfaction, what would be the purpose in life if there was no purpose but my own satisfaction?

I'm trying to get ready, to properly align my heart, to pack, to study. To family and friends, please pray that I am able to keep my cool and my focus on the present while maintaining an aligned heart during final exam/packing week. And don't worry, when I'm stranded in wild Africa, I'll likely be wearing two shoelaces.

35 Days Until Takeoff

Official! The blog is up! Allow me to outline what will be going on this summer!

I'll be in Bloemfontein, South Africa for a month (May 9th June 5th) with the University of the Free State to shadow various branches of dietetics practice. This will fulfill my honors college requirements at Appalachian State University. I will be staying with university housing and I am told that every week will feature differing elements of dietetics, such as clinical, emergency medical, community, etc. I am incredibly enthused at the prospect of exploring the dynamics of the health care situation in South Africa, particularly concerning low-income nutrition.

I will catch a flight to Nelspruit and stay in Bulembu for four more weeks (June 5th to July 6th) to volunteer with Bulembu Christian Academy. Bulembu is a beautiful village within the mountainous regions by the northwestern border between Swaziland and SA. Bulembu is exceptional as it is a community dedicated to reviving economic stability in an area where HIV/AIDS epidemics and poor education systems have destroyed the financial situation of countless families. http://www.bulembu.org :

"We are a not-for-profit organization serving Jesus Christ through community enterprise and community care. Bulembu has an ambitious vision and a large heart. The sustainability of Bulembu depends equally on the success of our community enterprise initiatives and community care programs. Today, Bulembu has a clear vision to become a vibrant, sustainable community. This vision for sustainability includes fostering the development of a new generation of emerging leaders through orphan care, education, health services and commerce. As people from outside of Swaziland recognize the unique opportunity to invest in this town’s vision and partner with the people of Bulembu, a new generation of Swazi leaders will emerge. These young people will become men and women equipped, engaged and prepared to contribute to the transformational work so desperately needed in this country."

Volunteering in Bulembu will provide a tangible model of development that I can gain experience and knowledge from. I also have the opportunity to serve as the hands and feet (or mind and mouth) of Christ through my knowledge of public health and nutrition.

 

I'm getting a bit nervous as the flight date is approaching and I have been increasingly engrossed by informal research about South Africa and Swaziland's political and social history. I'll post something compiling my discoveries in the near future.

So far I have been just getting all my ducks in a row. I've already got my passport, my tickets, influenza and Hep.A vaccinations, travel nurse counseling, fund raising campaigns, OIED approval, and international health insurance. However, I still need to collect all the various things that I need to pack including any medications that I might need to combat any travel-induced illnesses. I should be getting malaria and typhoid fever vaccinations in the next week or so, but my biggest stressor right now is really financial preparation (http://www.gofundme.com/qxzbvk).

I am incredibly excited about the adventures to come, but for right now I have been avoiding deep contemplation about where I am headed because I have no idea what to expect. I am a bit afraid as I'll be traveling alone and staying at the UFS with strangers, but I know I'll make loads of friends and be far too busy and fulfilled to feel lonely. At the very least I'll have the comfort of a chilly South African winter to remind me of the good old frosty days of Boone, NC.